Thunderstorms

I love thunderstorms. There's something about the soft, steady patter of the rain on the window punctuated by the howling wind and a deep explosion of thunder. I can never get enough. It makes me wish I had a cozy library full of old dusty books and rich mahagony, and a deep red velvet chair to sink into with a hot cup of tea. Yes, tea and a fire in the fireplace... how lovely.

I guess for now my little green Bombay Company chair, purple chenile blanket, and fuzzy leopard print slippers will have to do. I should go make some tea, though... tea would be nice. And maybe I'll light the candles, just in case the power goes out. Wouldn't that be wonderful!

I relish these moments of solitude. My husband is amazing, and I could spend every waking moment with him and still want more, but every time I do have a moment to myself, I remember how much I love "me time."

Especially recently, some of the most incredible moments with my Savior have been in those unexpected times of quiet and reflection. God has been so faithful to us. I have never seen such obvious and timely answers to prayer as I have seen in the past week. It never ceases to amaze me how, even though He doesn't have to, God chooses to allow us to be a part of what He does. I loved how our pastor put it the other week: if He wanted to, God could do the whole Paul-on-the-road-to-Damascus thing when He wants to tell us something or when we go astray or lose perspective, but most of the time He doesn't. He teaches us to be sensitive to His still, small voice... through others, through His Word, through nature, through circumstances... how incredibly gracious He is to even allow us to know His heart, and even more to be used by Him to show others the love of Christ and meet their needs. How deep and wide and sufficient is His amazing grace!

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fulness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, beng confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ...And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christto the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:3-6, 9-11)

I think the other reason I love thunderstorms is that they make me feel so small. When I hear the boom of the thunder and realize how many millions of tiny raindrops are falling every second, I am in awe that God, my God, has orchestrated when and where each one is to fall, and knows exactly where the next one will go. But what is even more amazing, He also knows the path of every storm, every cool breeze and hot wind, every soft shower and torrential downpour... He knows.

Mmmmm. What a wonderful, warm thought on such a cold and windy night.

Wedding and Honeymoon Pictures!

Here they are! We're supposed to get our professional ones in a couple more weeks, but these are the ones we have so far... enjoy!

Rehearsal Dinner...

Wedding!

Honeymoon :)

Grappling

That's the word all the "senior members" (professors) at ASP would use to talk about struggling to get your mind and heart around a difficult concept. I felt it was appropriate to use in this context.

Last night was one of the most fun nights I've had in a very long time. I went out to dinner with a bunch of my old friends from ASP at this great little Thai place on the House side (Capitol Hill for all you non-DCers)... Dave, Becky, Andy, Scott, Melissa, and a few significant others and friends. We shut down the restaurant!

It truly is amazing, though, even after not seeing them for many months, when you've gone through that program together, you instantly fall back into deep, insightful conversations as if you'd never left. I have never had friends like that before, where you don't have to waste your time on the "how are you" and "so what do you do" questions that are obligatory in DC, and can jump straight into conversations about Absolute Truth, how to fix the American health care system, and philosophies of marriage.

The question I have been "grappling" with for a while now is much less existential, but much more difficult. Dave and I had a brief conversation about it and decided to get together tonight to grapple with it further and without everyone around. He is also struggling with the same question:

What now?

We both spent a lot of time back in California with our families and friends... and loved it. His question to me was, "did you think about DC at all when you were there?"

My answer, as well as his, was a surprising "no."

I never thought that would happen. Last year at Christmas, when we had just left ASP and were in the process of moving to DC, it was all we could think about. We couldn't wait to get out of Fresno and get back to our favorite city in the world.

But now, it's almost a "been there, done that" feeling. My question is a little more urgent than his, only becuase I am now looking for a new job after the wedding, and could theoretically move back if Brian and I both found work. Dave probably wouldn't come back until August if he did. But even if we did go back, what would we do? Yet another question to grapple with. After having worked where we have and had the experiences we have, everything else seems like an anticlimactic decision... from the International Relations Committee, and a Presidential Healthcare Commission... to Fresno? Maybe LA, but that would still mean we were hours from many of our friends and family.

Observations

It's amazing how one's perspective on life changes as time goes on.

I feel like I've been in a strange place for a while, both spiritually and emotionally . It's strange, being on the other side of a dream that's been fulfilled. All my life, all I wanted was to live and work here in Washington. Living here has been exciting, stressful, wonderful, difficult, fulfilling and disappointing all at once. I've had this "is this all" feeling ever since I left ASP last year. That was an amazing experience, but even there I feel like I missed out on a lot of great relationships because of the demands of my internship and my relationship with Brian. I was at a different place in my life than most of the other people there, I think. I learned more about myself during that short time than at any other time in my life, but I still feel like I have so much more to learn.

To be continued...