Grappling

That's the word all the "senior members" (professors) at ASP would use to talk about struggling to get your mind and heart around a difficult concept. I felt it was appropriate to use in this context.

Last night was one of the most fun nights I've had in a very long time. I went out to dinner with a bunch of my old friends from ASP at this great little Thai place on the House side (Capitol Hill for all you non-DCers)... Dave, Becky, Andy, Scott, Melissa, and a few significant others and friends. We shut down the restaurant!

It truly is amazing, though, even after not seeing them for many months, when you've gone through that program together, you instantly fall back into deep, insightful conversations as if you'd never left. I have never had friends like that before, where you don't have to waste your time on the "how are you" and "so what do you do" questions that are obligatory in DC, and can jump straight into conversations about Absolute Truth, how to fix the American health care system, and philosophies of marriage.

The question I have been "grappling" with for a while now is much less existential, but much more difficult. Dave and I had a brief conversation about it and decided to get together tonight to grapple with it further and without everyone around. He is also struggling with the same question:

What now?

We both spent a lot of time back in California with our families and friends... and loved it. His question to me was, "did you think about DC at all when you were there?"

My answer, as well as his, was a surprising "no."

I never thought that would happen. Last year at Christmas, when we had just left ASP and were in the process of moving to DC, it was all we could think about. We couldn't wait to get out of Fresno and get back to our favorite city in the world.

But now, it's almost a "been there, done that" feeling. My question is a little more urgent than his, only becuase I am now looking for a new job after the wedding, and could theoretically move back if Brian and I both found work. Dave probably wouldn't come back until August if he did. But even if we did go back, what would we do? Yet another question to grapple with. After having worked where we have and had the experiences we have, everything else seems like an anticlimactic decision... from the International Relations Committee, and a Presidential Healthcare Commission... to Fresno? Maybe LA, but that would still mean we were hours from many of our friends and family.