Letting Go

I have never cried harder than I did on Thursday night.

Last week was probably one of the worst, most stressful, most difficult weeks of my life. I also only got a total of about 20 hours of sleep, which didn’t help when dealing with the overwhelming stress and exhaustion of packing up our entire house. Not to mention family issues, relationship problems, and the helpless frustration that I didn’t have enough time to say goodbye to everyone I wanted to.

All week, I numbed myself and did my best to keep from feeling anything so that I could function well enough to get through the packing. I became such a zombie that I was afraid I would never be able to cry again after burying so much pain and sadness.

Thankfully, I was wrong. Thursday night around midnight, once everyone had gone and I finally let down my guard, everything I had been trying so hard not to feel swept over me like a massive tidal wave. Looking around at our empty apartment, wishing I had more time with the people I love, knowing that moving is the best thing for us right now and long-term, but wishing it wasn’t. I think I sobbed for almost 4 hours straight. I survived the week, but barely.

We left last Friday night and spent the day in Disneyland on Saturday. What a wonderful way to say “goodbye” to California. It was a perfect day – 75 degrees and sunny. Brian, Robbie, Kathryn and I spent the day walking around California Adventure, riding the rollercoaster and Soarin’ Over California, watching the show at the Frontier Land Saloon, and exploring the newly reopened Tom Sawyer Island/ "Pirate's Lair". We had so much fun!!

On the tram

Brian and his brother Scott

C!

Robbie and Kathryn at California Adventure

Our favorite roller coaster!

Waiting in line

Take 2

Watching our favorite show at the Golden Horseshoe Saloon

Exploring Tom Sawyer Island (now the "Pirate's Lair")

The tree house

I told them to "go stand under the sign"... :)

Trapped by pirates!

In the tree house

On Sunday morning, we said our final goodbyes to my mom and sis and headed out of LA. As I drove my car alone through the desert (Brian and Rob rode in the truck), I felt so sad.

I sobbed quietly, asking God for answers, guidance, provision and peace. He reminded me that he provides “streams in the desert.” I had never felt such a clash of emotions – grief, fear, anticipation, apprehension, relief, excitement, sorrow, joy… peace.

Then I cried again as I passed a sign that said “Now Leaving California.”