Dear Friend

I wrote this as a letter to a friend, and have shared this story with several people in past months. I hope that if you are dating someone or considering marriage (ever), you will read this and take it to heart...

Dear friend,

I want to share with you the story of my husband and I, in the hope that it will encourage you and give some perspective. I'm not usually one to give unsolicited advice, but I feel like I am supposed to share this with you. I hope it helps somehow.

Brian and I had what you might call a "whirlwind romance." We had known each other for quite a while (almost 4 years) as friends, but from the time we first began dating, we had a very passionate and intense relationship. We both "knew" very early on that we wanted to get married, and had already started planning our wedding within 6 weeks of starting to date.

We originally planned to get married that summer (we started dating in January), and I am so glad we didn't.

Not because we didn't want to, or because we weren't supposed to be together, but because there were so many things that we needed to learn and experience without being married to prepare us for life together. Things that we never dreamed we would ever have to deal with, but that God knew would be critical to the success of our marriage.

Long story short, we actually dated for almost two years before getting married--only two months after we got officially engaged(!), and we even broke up for a short time in the middle.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that we waited and took more time to get to know one another in the context of a committed relationship. I am now a firm believer in allowing time to reveal those things that only time can reveal, no matter how close or passionate you feel in the beginning of a relationship or how "right" it seems.

Several of my friends have struggled with wanting to get married right away, and a couple have gotten married after only dating for 4 or 6 months, and have regretted it. I've told them all what I learned: time will never hurt, it will only help. It will either confirm that you are supposed to be with this person forever, or it will reveal that you are not supposed to be with them and why, or it will show you that you need more time before you truly know either way.

The things that we struggled through as we were dating drew us closer together, challenged us to learn to communicate with each other, helped us learn more about the other's needs, wants and dreams, and confirmed for each of us that we truly were soulmates. God knows we were "right" for each other, but through that time of dating Brian became my best friend, and I would not trade the time we spent becoming best friends--which can only happen when you spend a LOT of time with someone--for anything. I was able to say "I do" without any hesitation at all, knowing everything about the person I was committing to inside and out, flaws and all.

All that to say, I've been there, and I know it hurts when all you want is to be with someone all the time and forever, but rest assured that God has your very best interests at heart, and if you allow his wisdom to guide you both through this, he will sustain you and will guide you both into his perfect will, whether that means being with each other or with other people. He knows.

I know that the only thing you probably want is a hug right now, but I felt compelled to share this with you, why I don't know. But I hope that it can help in some way.

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV

Love,
Carolyn

If you are even thinking about getting married, next week, next year or someday, I highly recommend the following books:
1. Finding the Love of Your Life (Warren)
2. Are You the One for Me? (De Angelis)
3. Rocking the Roles (Lewis/Hendricks)
4. The 5 Love Languages (Chapman)
5. (for the girls) Secrets of an Irresistable Woman (McKinney-Hammond)